Hemingway pounded out masterpieces with two indispensable writing tools – a portable Royal typewriter and rum. Lots of it.
We, the belligerent copywriters of the world, salute you. We’re fresh out of rum, but this third glass of whiskey is starting to do the trick.
Fortunately for you, alcohol makes us unwieldy. You will probably find more and more profanity in this copywriting guide as you progress towards the end. Swear words makes for unsellable copywriting but more entertaining and memorable learning.
You also make fun of your clients behind their backs. We know you do. Don’t tell us you never made up a parody headline and had the graphic designers mock it up. Many of the copywriting examples we provide are tongue in cheek. Deal with it.
If you don’t like our examples, go impale yourself on a pencil.
Otherwise, read with pleasure. Feel free to pour yourself a drink to lubricate the learning process.
A helpful tip:
If you’re reading this website in an office and a bottle of whiskey might draw unwanted attention… vodka. Vodka in a plastic water bottle passes for water, and the cap empowers you to contain the smell from your teetotalling square-as-the-Robot-Baby-Jesus’-cubical-penis colleagues.
This website offers up two sections. The heart and (blackened) soul of our website is the Copywriting Tips.
Like a psychic octopus, the Copywriting Tips section has eight arms, eight helpful tips and tricks that will enable you to produce winning copy and reap the financial rewards.
And like whiskey, it’s perfect for all ages.
Mature, veteran copywriters can learn a new trick or two to kick up their writing arsenal.
Moderately seasoned copywriters will likely find it right up their alley; it doesn’t treat them like an ignorant baby, but it doesn’t completely gloss over the basics.
Beginning and aspiring copywriters will be entering a new world of wonder. With excited fumbling, like a kid who is losing their virginity, the tips will seduce you into the lush wonderful world of copywriting and allow you to quickly graduate to pro status with some techniques that will wow even the most experienced partners. (Ooooh, I didn’t expect you to put the call-to-action up THERE.)
The Nuts and Bolts guide belligerently addresses rules of grammar and punctuation. It’s kind of an Elements of Style, but with more swear words.
We’re not so fond of rules ourselves, but we firmly believe you must know the rules before you can break them.
Learn the rules. Then break them with joyful abandon in your copywriting.